Great post as always. That is a useful tool - to use where my helpfulness is appreciated as a lens to understand more objectively how my life makes a difference in the lives of others. But… yes it is complicated.
For instance. I’ve been running a meetup group for a couple years. I didn’t create it, but rather inherited it from its creator who moved away. It has grown considerably and my no show rate is very small. Frequently I have 100% show up rates at my walks, hikes and museum outings. They are known for being extremely welcoming and comfortable with a diverse spectrum of the LGBTQ community. But I’m mostly retired. My intention with retiring was to create art - to have time and focus to hear my muses and write, paint, sculpt… but output has been minimal for these last two years.
It is not unlike being pastor of a church and aside from an event most every Sat and Sun, I hear from people through the week, send out weekly fun reminders for the weekend events to those who have signed up for them, and monthly overviews and info about local happenings and groups. And I thoroughly have enjoyed meeting so many extraordinary people. There have been some challenges with folks with mental illness which have required some discernment and diplomacy and sometimes requiring hard decisions that are stressful. Lives have been changed. I’ve seen extremely positive changes in a number of lives. It has been good to create a safe space for developing healthy friendships.
But I really miss focus/time for my creative projects. And there doesn’t seem to be someone willing to step up and take over. One of the reasons the group is doing well is because I’ve gone 100%. Not sure cutting everything to half speed would result in as successful a group.
But it is important to take care of one’s self. I have passion for both paths, and it is clear the one path is probably more helpful for others… but I also know it is okay that most things don’t last forever.
Anyway… it is a worthwhile subject. At what point do we prioritize helpfulness over passions? There is no correct answer. But there are probably wrong answers. But it has something to do with balancing kindness to others with kindness to self.
Oof, I hear the internal conflict at work. And you're right...caring for the community you built is important, but so is caring for your own creative spark.
You think the group at its current size and sense of loyalty wouldn't be as "successful," but why not try? Why not see what would happen if you facilitated monthly gatherings, or bi-weekly?
Maybe you're right, of course. And then knowing that you're right you can decide your next step.
Or maybe doing gatherings just once or twice a month will be sufficient to keep people loyal and engaged and fulfilled. Or maybe someone will step up to take on doing an extra gathering per month.
Summertime might be the perfect time to do a summer schedule :)
That is the tentative plan. The only wrinkle is that the Meetup dues come up mid Sept. They are a chunk of change. Last year members were very generous and covered the cost without me even having to bring it up more than once. And I know they would come through again. Many have been bringing it up on their own already – knowing it is coming up. I'm hesitant to ask for money if I am not going to be providing the same experience that they are used to. But on the plus side, it is an extraordinary group of people who are sensible. I've been open about this transition, and they are supportive - though no one wants to take over. But they all want it to continue. We'll figure it out. But this push pull came to mind while listening to your own worthwhile reflections on balancing passions with conflicting expectations. :)
One tries to do one's best. And I do genuinely care about the lives of those I've gotten to know. Either way I would not disappear from those relationships that have been forged. It will play out as makes sense. Sometimes the best answer is found while moving forward.
Great post as always. That is a useful tool - to use where my helpfulness is appreciated as a lens to understand more objectively how my life makes a difference in the lives of others. But… yes it is complicated.
For instance. I’ve been running a meetup group for a couple years. I didn’t create it, but rather inherited it from its creator who moved away. It has grown considerably and my no show rate is very small. Frequently I have 100% show up rates at my walks, hikes and museum outings. They are known for being extremely welcoming and comfortable with a diverse spectrum of the LGBTQ community. But I’m mostly retired. My intention with retiring was to create art - to have time and focus to hear my muses and write, paint, sculpt… but output has been minimal for these last two years.
It is not unlike being pastor of a church and aside from an event most every Sat and Sun, I hear from people through the week, send out weekly fun reminders for the weekend events to those who have signed up for them, and monthly overviews and info about local happenings and groups. And I thoroughly have enjoyed meeting so many extraordinary people. There have been some challenges with folks with mental illness which have required some discernment and diplomacy and sometimes requiring hard decisions that are stressful. Lives have been changed. I’ve seen extremely positive changes in a number of lives. It has been good to create a safe space for developing healthy friendships.
But I really miss focus/time for my creative projects. And there doesn’t seem to be someone willing to step up and take over. One of the reasons the group is doing well is because I’ve gone 100%. Not sure cutting everything to half speed would result in as successful a group.
But it is important to take care of one’s self. I have passion for both paths, and it is clear the one path is probably more helpful for others… but I also know it is okay that most things don’t last forever.
Anyway… it is a worthwhile subject. At what point do we prioritize helpfulness over passions? There is no correct answer. But there are probably wrong answers. But it has something to do with balancing kindness to others with kindness to self.
Oof, I hear the internal conflict at work. And you're right...caring for the community you built is important, but so is caring for your own creative spark.
You think the group at its current size and sense of loyalty wouldn't be as "successful," but why not try? Why not see what would happen if you facilitated monthly gatherings, or bi-weekly?
Maybe you're right, of course. And then knowing that you're right you can decide your next step.
Or maybe doing gatherings just once or twice a month will be sufficient to keep people loyal and engaged and fulfilled. Or maybe someone will step up to take on doing an extra gathering per month.
Summertime might be the perfect time to do a summer schedule :)
That is the tentative plan. The only wrinkle is that the Meetup dues come up mid Sept. They are a chunk of change. Last year members were very generous and covered the cost without me even having to bring it up more than once. And I know they would come through again. Many have been bringing it up on their own already – knowing it is coming up. I'm hesitant to ask for money if I am not going to be providing the same experience that they are used to. But on the plus side, it is an extraordinary group of people who are sensible. I've been open about this transition, and they are supportive - though no one wants to take over. But they all want it to continue. We'll figure it out. But this push pull came to mind while listening to your own worthwhile reflections on balancing passions with conflicting expectations. :)
I suspect most of them know you have been giving them more than their money’s worth all this time 👊🏼
One tries to do one's best. And I do genuinely care about the lives of those I've gotten to know. Either way I would not disappear from those relationships that have been forged. It will play out as makes sense. Sometimes the best answer is found while moving forward.
💯