The Unbearable Boldness of Trumping

Or: Why I'm seeking a new dentist

A bold and vocal minority is still a minority.

When I was a teenager I had a car accident that broke my front teeth and lacerated my gums. What has followed is a long fraught history with dentistry, including partial replacements that were eventually replaced by caps, root canals, scar tissue that makes it hard for a shot of novocaine to do its job in one shot, at least quickly. And none of this even touches my own anxiety at the dentist, prodigious gag reflex, and the fact that I have this little mouth with a lot of teeth because my wisdom teeth grew in perfectly, so I never had them removed.

I found a dentist I liked and basically went to him for nearly 40 years, even when I moved, and he was not the most convenient location by any stretch.

I consider it evidence of my fortitude that despite all my negative feelings about going to the dentist, I have always been extremely consistent about going every six months (pandemic gap year aside).

When my kindly dentist finally retired, rather than stick with the folks who bought his practice, I figured this was my chance to move to a dentist closer to me, like walking distance close. But my first attempt was a dismal failure. They told me I had a lot of work to do, work my previous dentist didn’t think necessary. They implied he was old and incompetent. but when I agreed to have a couple of fillings replaced, it required two extra visits to file down their work so my bite felt normal again. They used my chest as their tray for their instruments. They didn’t listen to me about my experiences with novocaine shots in my scar tissue area; they didn’t listen to me about how it might be easier to work in my mouth given my gag reflex. The last time I went there I had the closest thing I’ve ever had to a panic attack in the chair…complete with hyperventilating and tears…and I never went back.

I found a new dentist, also walking distance. And this one had the most talented hygienist I’ve ever experienced. Like, she never ever made me gag ever. They also had the cool digital x-ray machine my old dentist had never invested in, so no more horrible films stuck back in your mouth cutting into sensitive gum tissue.

Somewhat early on I figured out the hygienist probably didn’t share my progressive political perspective. We didn’t have political conversations, it was more like comments every now and then about her kids’ schools or about plotlines on TV shows or eventually about COVID. Nothing glaring or offensive. She and her family were vaxxed, she wore a mask all the time anyway being a hygienist. I didn’t mind this. (I have a story I tell about the hygienist at my last dentist who was a Ted Cruz fan in 2015/16, and who started out saying she “just didn’t like” Hillary Clinton and thought she was a liar, but by the end of our very respectful conversation did kind of realize that she didn’t know why she thought either of those two things.)

The dentist is a middle-aged white guy who is sooooper gregarious and extroverted. He’s the guy who makes dad jokes and then jokes about his dad jokes. Hanging out with him for an evening would probably drive me crazy, but it was no big deal for my dentist. I did get a little bit of an icky feeling when I needed a broken filling replaced with a half-crown last year. It was in the back of my mouth, and they had some large contraption they wanted to stick in my mouth to keep it open and keep my tongue out of the way, but I was not having it. I felt like I was going to die if it stayed in. I convinced them to just use the usual mouth opener crank and let me manage my tongue. So it started out a struggle, but we got it done, and when we were done he make “a joke” about if I ever got a cavity in one of those back teeth again he was just going to let it go. It was a joke, but it felt like it was meant to shame me.

Fast forward to this week. I had a cleaning, and I discovered that the talented hygienist is moving to Nevada. I asked why, and she simply mentioned cost of living…they can buy a house there…she skipped any opportunity to criticize California. The dentist comes in takes a quick look at my x-rays, says everything looks fine and then I think he says something to his staff about taking a break or getting lunch or something. I wasn’t listening because I was just trying to stay calm while she was working in my mouth. (I have to do a lot of mindful breathing when I’m being worked on.)

He then takes off his white lab coat and starts yammering on about something. And he comes in to talk to her and to me, and I see that under his lab coat he has been wearing a big American-flag-festooned “Let’s Go Brandon” t-shirt. (If you don’t know what that is, Google it, I don’t want to link to anything about it.)

Basically, it’s code for a profanity-laced anti-Biden chant, the origins of which are just so stupid you’ll lose brain cells reading about it.

He then went on with his loud conversation, left the space, came back into it, two or three times, each time positioned so that he was right next to me in the dental chair with his t-shirt slogan at my eye level because the dentist chair was tipped back.

I’ve been trying to think of the right word to use for how I felt. Using certain words seems over-dramatic and disrespectful to others who have suffered far worse experiences. But I’ll just say that being at the dentist to begin with, being constrained by being tipped back in this chair and with someone actively working in my mouth, and having him and his shirt literally right up next to me, along with his loud voice yammering on…it made my very very anxious.

When I was done, I got up, wished the hygienist good luck in her new home, paid my bill, and got the hell out of there. Knowing I had to find someone else.

Because, and now I finally get to my point: This is a person who clearly gives no fucks. This is someone who feels utterly emboldened to bring his crass, profane (IYKYK) political stance to work in a zip code (79%), county (73%), and state (64%) that went for Joe Biden by a lot in 2020. A LOT.

When I told this story to a group of generally plugged-in friends in a WhatsApp chat group, one told me a not-too-different story about eating lunch at a DC restaurant talking (I’m sure joyfully) about Justice Jackson being confirmed, an older white man approached their table as he was leaving and said, dripping with sarcasm, “Congratulations Brandon.” She actually said “who’s Brandon?” because she didn’t know about this phrase. When I told this story to another friend who follows the news, but probably does the smart thing and avoids Trump-related news, she also did not know the meaning of the phrase. But many many other people I know did know the phrase and had the same visceral reaction I did.

There are really three options here:

1. He wants to only have patients like himself, so this is his secret code way of finding them and motivating others (like me for instance) to leave

2. He is stupid and doesn’t realize how unprofessional, disrespectful, and potentially off-putting this shirt and its message is, especially in our area…the bluest in California.

3. He knows that a lot of people may not know what the shirt means, and it gives him some measure of pleasure to be in their face with its message, without their knowledge

None of those possibilities scream “dentist I will go to for the next 40 years” to me. Luckily there are at least half a dozen other dentists within slightly longer walking distance from my house. I’m now just debating whether I call them up, tell them this story and ask what they think before going to them.

My DC friend mentioned above commented on how “bold” these Trumpers are, and it does seem that (as role-modeled and emboldened by their Dear Leader) being aggressively disrespectful and cruel and brazen is part of the psychographic profile of this vocal minority. Something has been unleashed. And when they are constantly validated and encouraged (and misinformed) by media companies, major and minor, and politicians, including party leadership, it’s not hard to understand why. And when the data show that they are but a vocal minority they, again aided and abetted by institutions and people in powerful positions, simply discard and disbelieve the data.

It’s not pretty.

Now, in the interest of fair play I thought back on my own language and garb during the P45* era. I certainly know there are people who had wardrobes of “Fuck Trump” gear. I certainly acknowledge there were many large and loud protests.

I’ve always erred on the side of wearing what I’m for on my sleeve vs. giving free advertising to anything I’m against. So, you know, I’m much more likely to wear buttons that say “I Trust Women” or “Working on my feminist agenda” or, heaven forbid, “VOTE.” Probably the most explicitly negative garb I wore was a t-shirt that said in big numbers

86
45

Where 86=restaurant lingo to nix or canceland 45= Trump as 45th President*.

So, kind of similar in that it’s insidery and not everyone is going to get its message. But, at least if someone does get the message it’s not profane. And maybe I wore it to take a walk or go to the farmer’s market; I certainly wasn’t wearing it on professional Zoom calls.

I will always concede that there are extremists who adhere to every ideology…there are indeed extreme leftists.

The difference is that Democrats are not actually nominating them and electing them and installing them in leadership positions. (And no, “the Squad” members are not extremists…they are operating within the well-established confines of the big-tent Democraatic Party spectrum.) The Republican Party, on the other hand, is now the party of emboldened, hateful conspiracy theorists who openly loathe any typical standards of behavior and respect…whether directed at people in power (who, one could argue signed up to be dissented against) or people nowhere near power.

Here’s the recipe we have right now:

• A media machine fueled by fear and conflict (and for some media outlets also fueled by intentional disinformation)

• An emboldened minority that acts as though they are the majority and just doesn’t care whether the data or their constituents support their extreme views and their approaches to executing on them

• Enough people who disagree with the extreme views but feel disengaged from the outcomes of those views and are only deeply connected to the size of their tax bill or the cost to fill their gas tank

• Information platforms that refuse to accept responsibility for such little things as the destruction of democracy, let alone our society’s connective tissue

It’s a toxic stew.

But there is no inevitable outcome here. If you want something different, it has been amply shown that working for it gets results.

At the micro-level, I’m changing dentists because it’s not actually cancel culture when you make choices based on what you know about the choices before you, it’s accountability. And the free market at work as designed.

At the micro-level I’m building my list of where I’ll be focusing my donations and activation for 2022…and I’m ignoring the daily circus that is everything else. Because it is demoralizing to the point of being debilitating.

Don’t let the Unbearable Boldness of Trumping derail you or distract you from your mission, whatever that mission is. LFG. (Another little code term with profanity at its heart, but one that is about being for something, just the way I like it.)

Last week-ish

Episode 77 of The Op-Ed Page with Elisa Camahort Page was a quickie, but I wanted to talk about the Grammys which, along with the Tonys, is one of my favorite awards shows. mostly because it’s become a big concert with a few awards thrown in. And because I got to go to it one year, and somehow that makes me appreciate it more. The Grammys hit so many notes right, not least being an actual positive advertisement for the artists in the industry they celebrate. There was one fly in the chardonnay, but it happened pre-show, off-camera. Two things can be true, so I wanted to talk about both things.

Also in the last couple of weeks I appeared on Farnoosh Torabi’s excellent podcast, So Money. Farnoosh and I had a conversation on one of my favorite topics: How to make impact for the causes you care about, even when you’re not rolling in dough. This means talking about how to think about donating, but also includes how to think about all the ways you have to contribute that are in addition to donating. It’s a very Road Map for Revolutionaries conversation in a nice concise package. Thanks for having me Farnoosh!

Finally, I do have a few new bylines to point you toward:

My most recent piece for the Kinder Beauty blog is Keeping my hair long and three other aging myths I’m personally busting!

And I have a new freelance gig writing for the Shutterstock blog (and yes, I’m already a Shutterstock customer), and my inaugural piece is The pros and cons of letting AI write your content.

I contain multitudes y’all. Check them out, leave a comment, share them, help a writer out :)

Coming this week-ish

My client the Professional Business Women of California has their annual conference coming up very soon now (May 10-11). The speaking roster is excellent, diverse, and compelling, including keynotes from Mindy Kalin, Lean Waithe, Reshma Saujani, Ai-jen Poo, and at least two women I’m now a brand new fangirl of, Cecilia Muñoz and Pfizer’s President of their Global Vaccines business, Dr. Nanette Cocero. I’m also participating in one of the seminars, interviewing Marci Alboher about how to think about career transitions in this current job market environment. I’m proud to be a part of it and to have been a part of putting this great roster together. There’s still time to register, so I hope to see some of you (online) in a couple of weeks!

I’m also attending two events of interest in the next couple of weeks:

• I’ve mentioned that the housing/homelessness crisis is the local issue I identified as the one around which I wanted to learn and engage more, so I’m attending an event hosted by SV@Home that just happens to feature my favorite vegan chef, Bryant Terry. It’s an hour of food and conversation with Bryant; it’s free, and I believe it’s virtual. Check it out.

• I’m also a big supporter of the Center for Reproductive Rights, and they’re having their annual SF fundraiser, this year in person, so I plan to be there. My brother and sister-in-law are on the host committee, but I would have been there anyway, joining a friend who’s on their board.

Check these fine events thrown by fine organizations out!

Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on any or all of the above. This is basically my blog now! And as always I appreciate a share of this newsletter or my podcast.

And if I can help you break through the things that are keeping you stuck, set up your first introductory 30-minute consult for free by booking it in my Calendly. And you can always check out my new LinkedIn Learning Course, Telling Stories That Stick, a 57 minute course on crafting your stories for different audiences (media, investors, prospects, hiring managers) and making sure those stories stick…and convey exactly what you hope to convey.