No warning, no symptom template, no treatment protocol, no light at the end of the tunnel.
Coronavirus? Nope.
Coronavirus? Nope: Perimenopause.
I’m guessing this may be the only newsletter you receive this week that talks about periods, but I’ve been dedicated to being more transparent about a topic that still seems taboo outside private groups or dedicated web communities. And that’s perimenopause.
To define our terms, most people don’t even realize that “menopause” is defined as a single day…the day that you have gone one full year without a period. Everything after that time you’re post-menopausal. I told someone this weekend she was technically post-menopausal (someone four years younger than I am, I’ll add) and she did not like that ONE BIT.
Perimenopause, then, is an amorphous time period before that one year mark. It can start in your late 30s. I’m living proof it can last into your mid-50s. And I’ve encountered countless people like me, who were totally taken by surprise that it would have a significant impact on our health and well being, and who spent months, even years, figuring out how all the little things added up to being symptoms of this same phase.
The Mayo Clinic has a handy page about it, but I would say even this page doesn’t cover all the symptoms that are common and that I’ve heard from many people. And everyone seems to get different advice from even their OBGYNs, with many doctors simply advising us to “wait it out.”
It’s top of mind for me this week because (and here’s the TMI part) last Wednesday I hit the 7-month mark since I’d gotten a period (and confess I was feeling pretty confident that this! was! it! after “waiting it out” for more than five years) and then last Friday I got a period. A full-on TsunamiPeriod™️, as I “like” to call it.
Why should you care? Well, I care because we don’t talk about this, and people all around you are going through an intense and sometimes intrusive physical experience…sometimes for years, like me…often in silence. Because of this silence, it took a long time for me to connect the dots between my symptoms and at least figure out what was happening.
And I care because looking at this through an equity lens, imagine how much more problematic this is for people without healthcare, people without flexibility in how or where or when they can work, people for whom a sudden requirement for double the supplies each month, for example, is an economic hardship.
If you’ve ever wondered why so many women, particularly, hit their 40s and 50s and seem to become bolder, seem to survey their field of fucks and find it barren, seem to find or finally pursue their true purpose, or just seem to make less time for nonsense, it might be that they’ve realized their action and attention must be conserved for that which is truly important because quite literally, they do not have the mental and physical energy to spend on anything less.
That’s not a light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn’t even call it a silver lining. But I would call it a lasting impact this time of my life will have on me, even when all my waiting it out finally pays off!
I would LOVE to know I’m not alone?
Last week’s Op-Ed Page
As promised, I talked about sneaky #CoronaRacism and about the various flavors of #votersuppression, #voterrestriction, and #voterdepression. No discussion of voter turnout is complete without talking about these suppressive tactics, and who they are targeted at.
I also was really struck by one thread of reaction to the untimely passing of former Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh. A certain group talked about his passing marked the end, for them, of an innocence, if you will, of their belief in a digital utopia. A comment which amazed me. (And maybe it amazes some of you too.) I probably lost that innocence 10 years ago. I need to write more on this topic, but it reminded me how different it is to walk these Internet streets if you’re a woman (or other “other”).
Take a listen, and here comes the standard podcaster request: If you enjoy, please share, subscribe, rate and review!
Coming this week-ish
Tuesdays at 5PM PT, I’m continuing weekly political livestreams with partner-in-politics, Ashwini Anburajan…just visit my facebook page to watch us live.
A sneak peek of Episode 41 of The Op-Ed Page podcast I’ll be releasing later this week: I’m going to talk a little bit about the canny choices President-Elect Biden is making as he fills out his impending administration. Totally interested in your opinion of them! Maybe I’ll quote you in the podcast if you leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!
As mentioned last week, this Friday at 12PM PT, join a Remotely Fireside Chat with Punk Rock HR author and podcaster, Laurie Ruettimann about her philosophy about fixing work by fixing yourself…and a provocative little idea she has to #DefundHR. RSVP here or watch this one on Remotely’s FB page too.
And then on Tuesday, December 15th at 11AM I’m going to welcome my former BlogHer lieutenant, Lori Luna, to talk about what is required to take an IRL event virtual, especially if you’re looking to do more than invite people to another Zoom. (As I invite you to RSVP for this Zoom!)
As always I appreciate a share of this newsletter, of my podcast, of my column, The Activist Leader. And I appreciate feedback and hearing from you too.
And if you think I can help you break through the things that are keeping you stuck, you can always set up your first introductory 30-minute consult for free by booking it in my Calendly.
Have a great week-ish!
Menopause... there is no 'pause' in it. That I can tell you. It's thought that in the "olden" days, women didn't live long enough to enter menopause so no one talked about it or studied it or cared. All the grandmothers over 50 - they kept their mouths shut. Why? Because you didn't talk about that kind of personal issue - with anyone!
I've been in post-menopause for a long, long time. I still have hot flashes, I have mood swings, I get tired more easily. But I also know it can be freeing. It can open one's eyes to a world she was not allowed to see before - the world of, I don't give a damn what you think, for god's sake! Just give me the remote or I'll break your fingers!
Now, not everyone experiences it like that. So, I am no poster girl for it. I'm just saying, you are right on when you say we become bolder and louder and more like Maxine (who says, "Here's a tip as you get older - never wear a hearing aid because if you do, people expect you to listen to them.") I like to think we finally realize we don't have anything to lose. Seriously - we can be who we were meant to be or we can struggle trying to be someone else, as we've done most of our lives. I choose the former.
I have a refrigerator magnet that says, "Today's Menu: Two Choices. Take it or Leave it." And I mean it... just saying. I'll shut up now.
I am post-menopausal. Peri-menopause took forever because I kept going like 8 months without a period and then GAWOOSH, a huge one (including, memorably, in the audience of a talk at BlogHer Business). I finally stopped having periods at 56. But in the 7 or 8 years of peri-menopause, my most annoying symptom was NOT FEELING LIKE MYSELF. I talked to my doc and she said many women say this to her.
I lost all my initiative. I stopped caring. I was fine to spend evenings just sitting in a chair, nursing a couple glasses of red wine, snacking and watching stupid things on my laptop. Even when I got up the energy to go do things, I had no passionate connection to any of them.
It took several years and several doctors to first get Hormone Replacement approved and then to get it dialed in dosage-wise. And more recently, a doc became concerned at the high level of HRT I was on and yanked it back, leaving me as sweaty and awake at night as ever, and again falling into apathy. Now I have a new doc who has bumped it up somewhat.
My sis, at age 74, told me she still has hot flashes and night sweats. Gah. I'm super happy to live in a cold place now. The other morning I was walking around at 8 am when it was 35 degrees in a cotton t-shirt. I was fine.
Thanks for bringing up this topic, Elisa. It's still not very discussed and it's a life-changer.