Do you express emotion via purchases?

Moving from "misery purchases" to "joy purchases"

Once upon a time…

Once upon a time I had a “very good job.”

It paid nicely. I managed a team…a team I had mostly hired and enjoyed. I worked with other smart people, and while I didn’t universally love everyone or love the culture that came from the tippy-top, I made good friendships that I maintain to this day, learned a ton, and given Silicon Valley was in the throes of the dot.com bust, many people thought I should count my lucky stars.

But I was unhappy on multiple levels. I had hit a hard, glass ceiling. The toxicity at the top manifested in ways that affected me, often indirectly, but in at least one case very very directly. I was making all this money, but it’s not like I was taking the time to spend it in enjoyable ways. Non-business travel was almost non-existent, as one example.

So every now and then I released some steam from the valve by making what I very explicitly called “misery purchases.” Stuff I wouldn’t normally buy for myself. Purchasing decisions pretty impulsively made. But, I would say to myself, what good is this money if I never spend it, and I deserve this nice thing because otherwise why am I even doing this?

I actually don’t regret my misery purchases. I bought a very pretty ring I still enjoy. A lifelong PC user, I bought a new iMac, iPod, and digital camera upon seeing Steve Jobs give the infamous keynote where he introduced compter-as-digital-lifestyle as a concept. (That surely was a life-changing misery purchase, as I began to think of my computer as something more than a way to do work.)

My misery purchases were well chosen, but misery was something I needed to leave behind. Which I did. And that led to going into business for myself, co-founding a start-up, and several bootstrapping, business-growing years when I had no extra cash with which to may impulsive purchases of any kind.

All these years later, I still enjoy making the occasional impulsive purchases. They are more likely to involve experiences than tangible goods these days, but I have my share of fancy cat condos, cool microphones (bought before I ever had a podcast), the same super comfy and cute joggers in every color, Le Creuset cookware, and more.

And I think of these more as “joy purchases.” Purchases that reflect things I want to do (start a podcast, cook more, watch my cats play) rather than purchases that are trying to help me forget the things I have to do that I wish I didn’t.

Last week I made a really impulsive “joy purchase” for the moody child I was and lifelong music lover I have always been. I just finished reading Elton John’s autobiography, Me, which was a good dishy read, and serendipitously as I was reading about his Goodbye Yellow Brick Road farewell tour interruptus, he announced the rescheduling of the entire last leg of it, including coming back to Dodger Stadium, the site of a triumphant 1975 concert, to close out the North American appearances for the tour.

Elton John, and that particular album, is among the very first music I spent my own money to own. I was 9 when the album came out, and I may have bought it the next year, because I remember listening to it on repeat endlessly in the house we moved into in 1974. I listened to it (and the early Styx album Equinox) constantly, and in fact, I crafted an entire narrative that wove the songs from both albums into a cinematic marvel in my head. I can still remember portions of it and picture it when I listen to said album. You may be thinking, “Isn’t Goodbye Yellow Brick Road mostly a somewhat morose and moody album?” Yes, yes it is. I expect I was already a bit of a moody child at 10! (I mean, my movie plot had two once-separated lovers reuniting only to discover that the woman was dying, so there’s that. And it may explain why I have a playlist in iTunes entitled “Morose Songs” and it’s by far my biggest most favorite playlist.)

Anyway, I have been a lifelong Elton fan. I’ve bought most of his albums…I confess some of the albums in the last 10 years probably escaped my attention, he’s so prolific!! I’ve bought digital versions of the back catalog that I had in vinyl. And yet, I’ve only seen him play live once…at The Bridge Concert (a once-annual benefit concert Neil Young used to present here in the Bay Area).

When they announced the re-scheduled farewell tour, I did something impulsive. I bought tickets to the very final North American show at Dodger Stadium. No, I don’t live in L.A. Yes, it’s taking place 17 months from now. No, it was not cheap.

But I feel truly excited about it. I feel like I’m going to get to go and thank an artist who literally wrote the soundtrack of my life at times…and someone whose ethos of constantly creating, constantly working, constantly trying new things, new styles, new formats, new venues, is inspiring to me.

I hope to never again make any misery purchases. But if every now and then I make a joy purchase (big or small) I’m not going to feel bad about that at all.

What about you? Have you made purchases to try to assuage your misery? Have you made purchases that filled you with joy…guilt-free joy? Tell me your best one of either (or both)!

Last week-ish

Last week on The Op-Ed Page podcast I continued telling my #originstory, and focused the entire episode on sharing the tools and tactics I believe helped me get into tech and advance very nicely, even lacking a tech degree or background…and being a fairly unusual sight as a woman in the room on top of that. Some of the advice might be pretty familiar…I mean, informing, nurturing, and leveraging your network is well-worn advice for a reason. Other aspects of what I share may seem less intuitive. If I could boil it down I would most highly recommend that you realize you are not running your career for anyone else, most of your negotiations are going to be with yourself. I think a lot of us think way too much about optics and way too much about potential disaster, and way too little about the big picture that we are smart, capable, and free to change our minds.

I see a tenuous connection between this advice and one of my favorite watches from last week, P!nk’s most recent concert documentary, All I Know So Far. P!nk is another artists I’ve been following through her entire career, and another artist who is prolific and doesn’t seem concerned with packaging herself like a typical pop star. The documentary covers just a portion of her European tour leading up to a massive concert at Wembley Stadium, and it explores how she brings her family (husband and two children) with her on tour and how she tries to balances running the equivalent of a small business and stay connected to her family. My takeaway was that this was a living arrangement…an ongoing negotiation. And she makes choices that not every artist and not every parent would make. It’s not that she never second-guesses herself, but she owns her decisions and ultimately it’s between her, her family, her employees, and that’s it. In other words, the optics to other people who are not intimately involved in or affected by her decisions do not drive her. It’s a good watch, whether you love her music or not. If you do love her music, prepared to admire her even more for her work ethic and innovative approach! Have you seen it?

Coming next week-ish (or not!)

The big news is that I’m taking the month of July off of creating both this newsletter and The Op-Ed Page podcast. I’m going to spend some time thinking about how I want to inter-weave these two channels moving forward. Starting in August, I’m going to move to an every other week schedule for both, so one week there will be a newsletter and the next a podcast. I”m going to look back on this last 18 months of content creation and consider if I want to change anything. Should I do more interviews on the podcast? Should I do this season thing many podcasters do? And if so, on a theme? Of course, I’m curious what any of you think about what you enjoy about either channel, or what you wish I’d do with them. And remember, this is like a blog post…you can (and should) comment and let me know!!

So, leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on all of the above. And as always I appreciate a share of this newsletter or my podcast. 

And if you think I can help you break through the things that are keeping you stuck or help you move from work that brings you misery to work that brings you joy, you can always set up your first introductory 30-minute consult for free by booking it in my Calendly.

Have a great July!!