Years ago I heard a great metaphor that has stuck with me. How do you get a dog to give up a bone? You can grab the other end, and pull and the dog will tug at their end... the dog might even bite you. The way to get a dog to drop a bone is to put down a juicy steak. That dog will lose all interest in that bone.
In the same way, it is pointless to argue with someone who is not able to listen to you. They are so focused on their argument and the tug and pull just becomes a game for them. All I can really do to truly impact lives is to exhibit love. Not play their game. Love won't stop a bullet, but it is really powerful. Consistent kindness and respect (for yourself and others) is really hard to argue with. And it can effectively show some people that they are being obnoxious. (yes, totally passive aggressive... but it can be really useful)
The only way to engage with opposing viewpoints, in person, one to one, and get to the root of what we value. At least that’s what I’ve found over time. Working in the union world that happens a lot!
I've definitely participated in productive and civil online discourse, but it has gotten rarer and rarer over the years. Back when I was a digital utopian I truly thought the Internet would break down barriers between people and help us find our common humanity. And it has done some of that. I just didn't predict all the ways it would be used to drive even more edges between people too :(
Years ago I heard a great metaphor that has stuck with me. How do you get a dog to give up a bone? You can grab the other end, and pull and the dog will tug at their end... the dog might even bite you. The way to get a dog to drop a bone is to put down a juicy steak. That dog will lose all interest in that bone.
In the same way, it is pointless to argue with someone who is not able to listen to you. They are so focused on their argument and the tug and pull just becomes a game for them. All I can really do to truly impact lives is to exhibit love. Not play their game. Love won't stop a bullet, but it is really powerful. Consistent kindness and respect (for yourself and others) is really hard to argue with. And it can effectively show some people that they are being obnoxious. (yes, totally passive aggressive... but it can be really useful)
I think it's underrated how being the bigger person can also be passive aggressive and is therefore doubly satisfying 😹
This is true. People too often underestimate the power of being polite. It is a position of strength.
The only way to engage with opposing viewpoints, in person, one to one, and get to the root of what we value. At least that’s what I’ve found over time. Working in the union world that happens a lot!
I've definitely participated in productive and civil online discourse, but it has gotten rarer and rarer over the years. Back when I was a digital utopian I truly thought the Internet would break down barriers between people and help us find our common humanity. And it has done some of that. I just didn't predict all the ways it would be used to drive even more edges between people too :(