A multiverse of triggers

And the achievements buried in the noise

A multiverse of triggers in 30 seconds

Even if you didn’t watch the Oscars Sunday night, you’ve likely heard about “that moment.” A joke turned into a slap turned into a heated, if one-sided, verbal exchange turned into a win and a rambly speech turned into endless hot takes (and apparently endless debate on TV production worker Reddit threads debating, still, if it was real or staged).

I think it’s worth thinking about the many many triggers this moment pulled. (bearing in mind that we saw what we saw based on camera angles and directorial choices, so we can’t really know some stuff.) There’s a reason this incident has sparked such intense reaction, and it is these many triggers:

Trigger #1: In the midst of what was supposed to be a big celebration, a man lost his cool and committed a violent act. Whatever the provocation, one minute Will Smith was smiling along, the next he was ragefully walking up to Chris Rock and slapping him, then continued with some verbal haranguing. This is triggering to people who have been in intimate relationship with someone with a hair-trigger temper. For all we know Smith has never lost his temper in private. But what it feels like is something else. It feels like that walking-on-eggshells, you-can-never-be-sure, this-could-switch-at-any-moment trepidation many of us have felt. And it was compounded by some of the language of his Oscar thank you speech. “Love makes you do crazy things” is not comforting to the many people who have been mistreated in the name of love. Even when he apologized it was a half-ass apology to the Academy and his fellow nominees, not to Chris Rock*, who he hit. (And I do wonder how the Williams sisters felt about his comparing himself to their father as “a defender of his family” in reference to this violent act, especially since Richard Williams has steadfastly denied accusations of physical violence himself.)

Trigger #2: The Academy loves to have comedians host (as do most award shows) but way too many comedians at events like this, even if they typically do not “punch down,” decide that there is no such thing as punching down when it comes to celebrities. If you are famous and glamourous and sitting in a room like the Oscars or the Golden Globes, then you are fair game. Again, I don’t know if Chris Rock (or frankly any of the three emcees, who did their own roasting as part of their hosting duties) would articulate it this way…” these folks are famous, so I can be meaner to them than I’d be to other humans”…but they behaved this way. I found a lot of the jokes to be mean. Which is a problem for those of us who are watching, and who are definitely not famous and impervious celebrities. When you make a joke about someone famous for some quirk, foible, bad decision, or ailment, you can bet someone watching has done or been or had the same, and you’re making fun of them too. Jada Pinkett Smith has alopecia. She finally shaved her head because she couldn’t save her hair. I don’t know if Rock knew that, I didn’t know (or rather, remember) it, but whether he knew the reason for her bald head or not, this was punching down. I thought she looked glorious, and I thought that, given the popularity of Black Panther and its Dora Milaje warriors, her close-cropped head was cutting edge style (and she is known for her style). My ignorance aside, it was still punching down because it’s not like he praised her fierceness, called her a queen, and cited a super hot movie from this century. Nope, he just referenced a movie from decades ago out of nowhere…it was awkward and unfunny, dated and dumb…and if he knew about her condition, it was even meaner and dumber. And by making fun of her baldness it was triggering to anyone watching who is struggling with the same, whether due to alopecia or cancer or whatever else. (Compounded by the hot take some people have that hair loss isn’t a disability, so people should stop acting so hurt. Because that’s not doubling down at all, OMG.)

Trigger #3: It is triggering that in this day and age, when we have to pass a damn law to get employers not to discriminate against Black women and their natural hair, he was mocking a Black woman’s hair at all. That he was mocking a Black woman at all. There are plenty of people who are just tired of disrespect, especially racialized disrespect. This happens after a week when Judge Jackson was subjected to the most hypocritical BS as part of her SCOTUS confirmation hearing, and for many, it seemed like only Senator Cory Booker gave her the full-throated defense she deserved. So in a culture where it is still a romantic trope that a man will fight, literally, for his woman’s honor, during a week when no one seemed to be fighting hard enough for a trailblazing Black woman, then yes, for some, Smith’s action seemed heroic. Often expressed with the caveat that violence is not OK but, you know, two things can be true at the same time.

Trigger #4: When all this was going down, supposedly in the name of protecting and defending Jada, I was left to wonder…where is Jada? Again, the cameras had no interest in how she was doing; we couldn’t see if anyone was comforting her, supposedly the damsel in distress in all this to begin with. Maybe people were, we don’t know. What this became about was Will and Chris, and mostly Will. Then Diddy. Then Denzel when Will quoted him. And Tyler Perry and Bradly Cooper even. So in the name of this woman, a lot of attention was instead paid to the men, but where (and more importantly, HOW) was she??? So typical and telling that the camera, at least, didn’t care.

Trigger #5: I don’t think one can underestimate the impact of this happening live (on both coasts now) at an event that, even in this era of fragmented media consumption, is considered a worldwide event that brings us together. And one that’s escapist in nature, In Memorium and other political statements aside. I think something chaotic happening in front of our eyes, live and in real-time, during what is typically a relatively predictable affair is destabilizing, in general. The immediate hashtag was #whatishappening. And in a world gone mad, we didn’t need it at the Oscar’s.

Trigger #6: Of course, there are a host of triggers for Black people, which I am least qualified to discuss, so I won’t go too far here, but I’ve seen Black friends have every opinion across the spectrum, while consistently sharing only one: They don’t enjoy watching a bunch of White people sitting around talking about the motivations and actions of Black people, casting a lot of judgment, because they don’t trust that most people are able to see the players int his drama as individuals the same way they would if they were White, but rather as representative. That’s the terrible part of being the only one (or the smallest number of ones) in the room where it happens.

Trigger #7: Finally, these Academy Awards saw a lot of firsts, a lot of history being made, and a lot of wonderful talent celebrated. But who’s talking about that? Well, I will. The award Chris Rock was about to give, and then did, was for best documentary and it went to Questlove’s wonderful “Summer of Soul” documentary about the Harlem Music and Culture Festival in 1969. I just watched it this past week in preparation for the show, and it was energizing, inspiring, and made me remember how much I loved my Sly and the Family Stone greatest hits album when I was growing up! I wish more people were talking about Ariana DuBose’s win as the first openly queer woman of color to win an Oscar and Troy Kotsur’s win, the first for a deaf actor. I wish more people were talking about the moments when the audience clapped their applause, for Kotsur, then for Coda’s writer, and then its entire team using the ASL sign for applause. Honestly, it would have been nice to talk about Will Smith’s win for Best Actor without this drama. I just watched King Richard this past weekend, and it’s not surprising Smith’s wry work took the prize. It would have been productive to continue the heated debate about how the Academy chose to distribute some awards before the televised ceremony, and whether their compromise of showing foreshortened 30-second clips of the announcement of nominees and winners and snippets of acceptance speeches was adequate? Jane Campion won for Best Director…a still much too rare occurrence for any woman director. And Coda was the little film that could, getting picked up by the largest company in the world and supported, with its woman writer/director, its cast of deaf actors playing deaf characters and its sweet and salty nature…never too sweet as to be saccharine and never too salty as to override your empathy for every character (except maybe that terrible inspector lady, no spoilers, but she’s a villain!)

So whether you are fully immersed in this incident or feeling slightly smug that you are not (or I guess some of you are capable of falling outside either of those two things), at least be aware that there are real issues that this moment raised. Real triggers for those with hard experiences. I do not take it lightly.

*He has now apologized to Chris Rock.

Last week-ish

I used episode 76 of The Op-Ed Page podcast to talk about a topic where I think I’m probably not in the majority: Should companies pay people who live in lower cost of living areas lower salaries? Or as my Silicon Valley living friend would put it, should they pay people who live in high cost of living areas higher salaries.

I have many thoughts and feels. And I would act differently now than I did when I was actually running a business with employees all over the country.

I also talk about time travel and share a TON of great newsletter essays I’ve read lately, along with some of the fiction novels that have captivated me. It’s a tight, chock-a-block 37 minutes, so please check it out! (And share, subscribe, rate, and review…you know the drill.)

Coming this week-ish

On April 13 I’ll be doing my first IRL speaking event since before the pandemic, at my alma mater San Jose State University. I don’t have the link and will share it when I do because I believe it’s open to the public. I’ll be speaking on mastering your narrative, owning your expertise, and telling your authentic story. Which is extremely relevant to new college graduates getting ready to join the job market, and probably to the rest of us too, contemplating what we want to do when we grow up (again).

Also, I encourage you to check out my client the Professional Business Women of California, and their annual conference. There are still more speaker announcements on the way, and they are exciting experts and inspirations. I’m proud to have been a part of putting this great roster together!

Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on any or all of the above. This is basically my blog now! And as always I appreciate a share of this newsletter or my podcast.

And if I can help you break through the things that are keeping you stuck, set up your first introductory 30-minute consult for free by booking it in my Calendly. And you can always check out my new LinkedIn Learning Course, Telling Stories That Stick, a 57 minute course on crafting your stories for different audiences (media, investors, prospects, hiring managers) and making sure those stories stick…and convey exactly what you hope to convey.