A #BuffyLifeLesson for today: We contain multitudes
The Great Grappling of Humanity
Two (or more) things can be true
I spent Labor Day weekend attending an event with a community I’ve belonged to for about 5 years. Unlike any other conference I attend, every single attendee is on the program, multiple times. Unlike any other conference I attend, I hear from everyone from teenagers to octogenarians. And across every possible sector, industry, and vertical. Unnlike any other conference I attend, the proceedings are off the record. No one’s trying to go viral at this event!
But I feel safe in quoting myself. I was assigned to the final plenary, where each speaker was tasked with sharing our “final words,” whether in life or for the event. I chose to try to summarize the essential issue I felt like we are all grappling with across many different topics and troubles.
Oh did I mention there was a strict 2-minute time limit for the remarks? So here’s what I went with. (For context, I had given a talk the evening before about the unexpected life lessons we can glean from our pop culture favorites.)
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If you attended my talk last night you would have heard me assert that we can glean meaning and lessons from analyzing our pop culture obsessions, using Buffy the Vampire Slayer as my foundational example. One of the lessons I gleaned from Buffy is that we contain multitudes. Or, put another way, two (or more) things can be true. Buffy could be strong and scared. A girly girl and a badass. Often noble, sometimes petulant.
Grappling with these multitudes seemed to be at the heart of so many conversations I took part in and listened to this weekend.
For example:
We can truly miss and mourn what we believe we lost during the lockdown…mentally, physically, collegially, emotionally…even as we know there’s no real way to time travel back to 2019 and recreate the world of 2019 today.
We can believe that we live in a time and place where we have the most opportunity ever and where we each should be encouraged to have agency and go out and get what we need and want…even as we know that we all live in systems, structures, and a society that doesn’t treat us all equally, nor give us all equal opportunity, nor even react equally to all of our efforts to have agency.
To take it back to pop culture:
I can believe Jean Smart is a national goddamned treasure, but still find that her character’s behavior in season 2 of Hacks hurt my soul, and I had to stop watching.
I can agree with 75% of what Bill Maher says, but hate watching him 100% of the time.
And Joss Whedon can turn out to be a creep and a monster in real life, and yet have created a work I deeply love.
Two things can be true.
Some might call these contradictions, or hypocrisy. But I believe it is the human condition that we contain multitudes, and that we will always have to grapple with the conflicts and confusion that creates.
We’ve been in a place all weekend where we felt safe to grapple. And I look forward to next time we come together to do so. And let’s find more places to grapple in the parts of our lives where acknowledging the grapple and moving forward anyway may help us find more resolution and more progress.
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Does this great grappling feel like something you contend with? Do you have a way you reconcile it when two things are true that seem contradictory. And for that matter, do you separate art from artist? I’d love to know your thoughts.
What else is going on?
The Op-Ed Page podcast
I took an August hiatus from my podcast, so no new episode to share, however I’m going to re-share the most recent episode of The Op-Ed page podcast, because I want to bubble back up and amplify the conversation about how there are parallels between the studios vs creators conflict and the employment trends in Silicon Valley. in both cases, those in power (and those who are most highly compensated) are focused on conserving and restricting ownership and share of wealth. Increasingly, the people who actually do the thing that makes a company a company are compensated far less than the people who talk about doing the thing and oversee doing the thing. I’m a strategic consultant, so I’m not dismissing the value of strategists nor suggesting that leaders shouldn’t be well-compensated for their work. Still, if your company wouldn’t be a company without the doers…as Uber wouldn’t be a company without its drivers, and as studios wouldn’t be companies without actors and writers…then the doers deserve a bigger share. I like to say #CalfiorniaLeads, and maybe they’ve led somewhat in this trend, but this is happening across industries and across the country. We all should be aware of it, talking about it, and thinking about how we can prevent the next feudal society. (Or is it too late? I’d love to know what you think.)
TikToks this month
I recorded a number of TikTok videos throughout August, but mostly took a break from #BookTok in favor of #TravelTok.
I did review two books, The Dead Romantics and the first in entire series of genial mystery novels that feature a librarian, his very large Maine Coon Cat, and old-fashioned murder. What could be better?
I shared some videos from my Greece #YouDoYouGirlsTrip, including “unboxing” my Virgin Voyages cruise ship cabin and the farewell of cathedral bells in port in Athens, plus much more.
I shared some videos from my NYC sisters trip, including “unboxing” my hotel room at my favorite place to stay in NYC, a review of Kimberly Akimbo, and a review of the new Museum of Broadway.
And I was a little ahead of my time noticing that there was some whitewashing of the “women save the economy” media narrative (which has since been largely corrected):
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I continue to enjoy both consuming and creating on TikTok, but by the end of the year I guess I should decide if my enjoyment is reason enough to spend the time there that I do.
Out in the World:
I am shocked to note that October isn’t actually that far away, so if you’re interested in seeing my Buffy talk in action, you can sign up for this webinar, hosted by my former client, the Professional Business Women of California:
Register here.
Until next time, please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on any or all of the above. This is basically my blog now! And as always, I appreciate a share of this newsletter or my podcast.
If I can help you break through the things that keep you stuck (or if you are intrigued by the idea of securing my fractional leadership for your initiative), set up your first introductory 30-minute consult for free by booking it in my Calendly. And you can always check out my new LinkedIn Learning Course, Telling Stories That Stick, a 57-minute course on crafting your stories for different audiences (media, investors, prospects, hiring managers) and ensuring those stories stick…and convey exactly what you hope to convey.
I appreciate you using pop culture as an example. It’s such an influence on what we think and how we perceive the world. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the horribleness around us and feel I’m wasting my time commenting on movies and television. But then I keep going, because it does matter. I hope.
Patrick Ness explores this idea in his novel A Monster Calls (as much as I love Sigourney and the amazing effects, the book is better). In the story, an adolescent boy struggles with his feelings about his mother's long and brutal battle with cancer. He wants her to live of course, but he dreams about letting her die. And he feels that he deserves punishment for those feelings, so he becomes self destructive. The Monster's stories teach him that life is messy, and the path of wisdom is to accept that.
Anyone who has watched a loved one slowly fail to disease or age knows that we can feel contradictory feelings... we can simultaneously want someone to live and want them to die AND still love that person dearly. Life is complicated. We do contain multitudes. What matters is less our feelings, but our actions. It is normal to feel a plethora of contradictory emotions, but we always have the choice in how we respond to those feelings. We can't beat ourselves up for being simply human and experiencing life and death. But we can keep our default actions in line with kindness.
Thanks for writing on this subject. All too often our society's story pushes neat soundbites and easy answers. But life does not fit in a tag line. And perhaps it is more interesting as a result.